To him

So, the question is; do you stay or do you go? When there is a crack in the veneer and things get hard what do you do? If you love someone, do you cut your losses or do you stay and try? Nothing is ever the same after a mistake, but sometimes it is better. Maybe it would be easy to forget and to just let it all melt away. But then, wouldn't you always wonder what if?

There are only a few things I know for sure. I know that I love him. I have been his since the very beginning (long before he was mine). For me, he is a shining star. No matter how much time or space elapses his star will forever remain just as beautiful. The cracks and the dust, the loss of color will not make me forget the sparkles that are always there.

I am his. I know there is a God and I know he is looking down on us right now, wondering why humans make things so difficult. God, if you are listening, tell him I love him. Tell him he is air I breathe. He always has been. Without him I am only me, an imperfect girl who sometimes messes up royally. With him, I can be the woman I want to be. His woman.

I may be irrational, needy, imperfect, but I am the woman who loves him beyond all else. Will that be enough? Do I deserve a moment in time? Am I worth holding on for?

My tarnish will disappear under his touch. My sparkle will return in the warmth of his smile. My blood will flow to my heart and I will be the person he loves, he has always loved. I will be his Emily.

If only I am worth that moment. That heartache. If I am worth the polish.

Him

It is so hard to be apart. I love him so much and I miss him every moment of every day. Sometimes I ask myself why it has to be this way. I know we will make it through the tough times. This is real and we can survive. But, I long for the time when we can be together again. When I can hold his hand and kiss his chin and see his beautiful smile. I can't wait to spend evenings talking on the porch, sampling our wine of the month. When I get back to him I never plan to leave his side again.

Just when you think it will never get better, it does. A star appears in the sky... or the sea and you realize life is beautiful.

Stormy Weather

Wow, this has been a really emotionally turbulent week in our bubble. There's been a significant amount of trouble brewing in the air. This is the first REAL test of our love. I firmly believe that True Love grows in difficult times in relationships. It's SO easy to love when things are just peachy, but what do you have when those peaches turn into lemons?

Wishing star

I wished upon a star... and my wish finally came true!

Wandering through life

When I was a little girl I dreamed of being a ballerina. And a archeologist. And Wonder Woman. Looking back I can't help but wonder where that absolute belief that anything could happen went. To a certain extent I never lost that trust that I could do anything to which I set my mind. It has led me down a number of paths that make my life read like a series of short stories. But, it has also kept me in a constant state of restlessness.

My life finally seems to be falling into place. I have found the ONE that makes me comfortable in my own skin. I am finally financially independent. I have a kitten I love to pieces. I'm interested to see the rest fall into place in time.

Mr. Lucky

I’ve come to realize that I’m the lucky winner in love. I’m holding a winning MEGA PRIZE ticket in my hand right now, yet there’s one small catch. I literally can’t claim my winnings until next year. That’s a long time to think about what you’re going to do with the prize. “Are we going to travel, when and where?” or maybe “move into another house”? The thoughts that cross my mind are endless, but the reality is I can’t do anything this very moment, it can be quite frustrating! But wait; there are plans that can be made for the future once SHE comes home. Then WE can kind of fast forward life a little bit to where we wanted to be right now, but weren’t able to. It’s an overwhelming feeling knowing I have a life changing event waiting for me, and sometimes it drives me bonkers knowing there’s no possible way to take advantage of it right this second when I need it most. The one thing I’m certain of is that I have something special, she’s real, and she’s tangible. Once I’m finally able to get my hands on her, my life’s going to be forever changed with joys and riches unimaginable. I’m never going to let her go.

Wishing and hoping

Anthony and I have been talking a lot about pursuing our dreams together. We both want to do all the things we said we want to do. Thinking back to the very beginning of our relationship, I realize WE are based on just that. From the very beginning we have surpassed making vague plans that never pan out. We have done exactly what we said we were going to do! I love this part of us so much! I am dedicated to a life time of pursuing dreams together.

To MY Emily

Title: "Aqui Estoy Yo"
"Here I Am"
Artist: Luis Fonsi
Released: 2008

English


Here I am to make you laugh once again trust me, leave your fears behind and you’ll see

Here I am with a kiss burning on my lips it’s for you, it may change your life, let me get in. I ask the sun that a blue star will come to you and make you fall in love with its light

Here I am, opening my heart to you filling your lack of love blocking the pain don’t be afraid, I’ll look after you, you just have to accept me

Here I am to give you my strength and my breath and to help you draw butterflies which will become real in the darkness I want to be the one to awake in you a new feeling and the one to teach you to believe, to give yourself once again without reserves

I ask God for a touch of inspiration to be able to tell you what you expect to hear from me

Here I am, opening my heart to you filling your lack of love blocking the pain don’t be afraid, I’ll look after you, you just have to accept me

Give me your wings, I’m going to heal them and I’ll invite you to fly hand in hand

Here I am, opening my heart to you filling your lack of love blocking the pain don’t be afraid, I’ll look after you, you just have to accept me

Emily,

"Aqui estoy YO"
Your ever loving,
Anthony

Time for some Action

Yesterday was a life/body altering day for myself (Ant). I've been forever talking about getting another tattoo, and yesterday I finally took action making it happen. Just prior to sitting in the chair and undergoing the agonizing pain of the needle I had spoke to Emily. We chatted about how we're actually turning plans, goals, and dreams into reality. One of which was this tattoo that now covers my left arm. It felt so good to finally take action, no longer are ideas just being stored away in my head never seeing the light of day. It was like I finally was able to check something off my list, ohhhh the lists I/we have. Yesterday gave me the sense of accomplishment. The only things standing in the way of these lists are time, a little money, circumstances, and finally the effort (which normally keeps anything from ever happening). The lists get longer and longer, but only with good stuff. Things that will someday be looked back upon by both of US over yet another cup of coffee. We'll most assuredly still be holding hands, exchanging smiles, and knowing that we took charge of OUR life, living it OUR way.

The tattoo represents the four boys in my life: Gabriel, Geremiah, Julian, and Cristian Jose (CJ) whom are depicted by four Japanese Koi fish. They're swimming up against a raging current of water (LIFE) facing challenges all along the way. Once they swim their swim against the tide and get into the calmer waters on the other side, the fish will eventually (God willing) turn into dragons (MEN).

Here

I am far away from that Starbucks right now, and every day I miss the time we usually spend together talking and smiling. He suprised me that first day when he sat and listened to every word I said and never once made me feel like he needed to leave. I've never met anyone who made me feel as though he had all the time in the world for me.

All this distance between us hasn't changed that. He still makes me feel as though I am the most important person in his world. I feel as though we are closer than ever, never mind how far apart we are.

My Sunshine

Do you remember that song “You Are My Sunshine”, by Jimmie Davis. You know the one that goes:

You Are My Sunshine

My only sunshine.

You make me happy When skies are grey.

You'll never know, dear, How much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away

Well needless to say, now I get it. SHE really is my sunshine. Since our very first encounter 28 October 2008, at a Starbuck’s in Fayetteville, N.C. she’s managed to brighten up my life. Soon afterwards she started to heat my life up with a fiery loving never known to my body or mind. As if that weren’t enough I find my persona growing, the need to be with her always unbearable, and the promise that I had previously made to myself (to be the BEST man I could ever be) prior to meeting her even more motivated now. SHE truly is my sunshine, the center most focal point in my universe where all my planets and stars now revolve around.

Life Line

I've often sat and wondered how lovers kept their home fires burning ages ago when one of them left off for wars or sea voyages thousands of mile away, years at a time. E-mail, phone cards, webcam, IM, yeah right, they wished I'm sure. Surely it must've been that old flame of LOVE. You know, the kind that keeps you coming back for more. NO matter how much or how deep you've gotten yourself into love, it never seems to be enough. It really does become another natural sense to your being, like eating or breathing. She's become the Sun to my world. Brightening every day, warming my face with a brilliant and radiant warmth that only SHE can provide. I'm so thankful to be living in a technological age that allows me to be and feel so close HER. I'm confidenent in knowing that if we didn't have these tools at our disposal to keep in touch that the fire in my heart would continue to burn a scorching, blinding flame for HER. She's the ONE.....

Our Bubble

I'm so excited about OUR blog! Being apart isn't easy, but I love that we can make our bubble spread over the miles and oceans between us. Every opportunity I have I go to the beach and listen to the waves break against the rocks and sand and think about all the beauty I am lucky to witness. There is so much to share and spread around "like manure" in the words of Dolly...

Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, life is full of wonder and every moment together is an affirmation of all that is good.

Mariposas

We decided this morning to create this BLOG to keep a living journal of OUR life together, a record if you will to share with our friends, family, and the rest of the world. LOVE is a gift best shared with others. Already it feels SO good to be out there sharing US. For those who don't already know, "Mariposa" is Spanish for "Butterfly". Funny how the whole "butterfly" came to be, I'll let BBG post on that.